The Surprising Emotions of Motherhood: It's the "Last Times" That Get Me!

Written By Kiara Imani

Last night, I was sorting through River’s laundry when I came across a pair of tiny tan sweatpants. I tossed them to the side knowing there was no way they’d be able to it River’s not chubby thighs. After I finished folding everything else, I put the sweatpants on top of a rapidly growing pile of newborn clothes that I can’t bring myself to donate or give away.

I’m not saving the clothes for any logical reason. All of River’s cousins are older than him, and I’m not even emotionally sane enough to think about having a second baby. I’m just not ready to let them go.

As a new mom, I always thought I'd be emotional over my baby's “firsts” - his first steps, or his first words. But I’m beginning to realize it’s the "last times" that really get me. The tiny clothes that no longer fit, and the swaddles that we no longer use. Don’t get me wrong - first times are cool, but half the time I’m so tired or distracted when they happen, I don’t even fully remember them. (First time River rolled over? I have no idea.)

Sometimes, I think about the day (hopefully far in the future) that he no longer wants to dress up in matching Halloween costumes and I immediately get sad - even though he hasn’t even experienced his first Halloween yet. 

Every new milestone is bittersweet because it’s marked by saying goodbye to an old season. As much as I complain about having to wake up three times a night for feedings and cuddle sessions, there’s a future me deep down that already misses bonding with my little boo in the stillness of the night.



In the whirlwind of motherhood, it's easy to get caught up in waiting for the next "first time," and don't get me wrong, they can be magical.  But let's not underestimate the significance of the "last times." These are the moments that remind us of how fast our babies are growing and changing. 

I’m learning how to cherish the now and embrace every milestone in the present. That way, by the time I get to the “last time” I’ll know that I took full advantage of savoring every moment.

Does anyone else get irrationally emotional about things far in the future that haven’t happened yet?

Kiara Imani

Kiara Imani is an attorney, writer, and co-host of Don Amiche vs. Everybody + Crysta & Kiara, a daytime talk show on Los Angeles radio station KBLA Talk 1580 AM. She is the co-founder of LikeU Cards, a getting to know you card game that facilitates human connection and meaningful conversation. Imani graduated from the University of Virginia School of Law and received her bachelor’s degree from the University of Virginia with a major in political science. She has been featured in Forbes, Oprah Magazine, The Huffington Post, Blavity, and more. Therapy Isn’t Just For White People is her debut memoir.

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